I learned….

I learned that people will cross you and stab you in the back in a second. Usually the people you least would suspect. I learned that I’m meant to be alone. I’m not loved out here and it is time that I accept that. I learned that usually I am only good enough to talk … Continue reading I learned….

It’s been awhile

It’s been awhile since I blogged. So much is going on. I feel so much pain I’m losing myself. Losing my mom, my kids, a 10 year relationship, and walking away from 9/10 of my family has taken a huge toll on me. No I’m not ok and I won’t pretend that I am. I’ve … Continue reading It’s been awhile

Happy Birthday Kaden James

I didn't get to do this yesterday because I had a huge paper I had to write in school but yesterday my beautiful son turned 15! Happy birthday baby!! When I found out I was pregnant with you Lamia was already in the world. I was so excited to see what you two would do … Continue reading Happy Birthday Kaden James

Happy 17th Birthday Lamia

I cannot believe my oldest daughter is 17 today. My first heartbeat. And I'm so proud of the young woman she is becoming. She has a fierce soul. When I found out I was pregnant with her whole world changed. My life had meaning. I had a beautiful little girl growing inside of me. Knowing … Continue reading Happy 17th Birthday Lamia


Today, I want to release all of the pain I feel inside. And it's a lot. Just Sunday, a very important person in my life, Lillie Griffin, passed away. 😢 With the death of my mom, Lillie, OD, Uncle Wendell, Mataya, Grandma n Grandpa Barker, I just want to live my life how they all … Continue reading Release….

Mommy 😢💔

How do I do this? How do I get through each day knowing you are gone and I will never see you again???!! Mothers Day is Sunday and my mommy is in heaven. 😭😭😭😭 I cannot believe them words even are coming out. I'm so empty and lost without you. I'm so alone. I can't … Continue reading Mommy 😢💔

The world is changing

So many things have changed in my life. I'm still single and though it's lonely af I have began to find myself. I found my worth again. I found I want to accomplish so many things. And on May 4 at 7pm I will be graduating into my fraternity NSLS and I couldn't be more … Continue reading The world is changing


So life for me lately has been a very emotional one. 😢 Missing my mom seems like a job all on its own. Being single has made me finally realize my worth. But letting that 10 year relationship go has been hard. The world lately has been so kind to me. It's just all the … Continue reading Life…..

Music Feelings 😬😢🕊🕊

https://youtu.be/TLIgFxNY61E https://youtu.be/VvBBcfZW8ho https://youtu.be/lHxZncV85y0 https://youtu.be/YpBpwcV9gWQ https://youtu.be/6u-asq0K8Gw https://youtu.be/22WqxQwUhoM https://youtu.be/Xe2HFEMNjFA https://youtu.be/_qfxGaDnpZo https://youtu.be/G9HWnja_s4U https://youtu.be/ZhnIFuspl00 https://youtu.be/jWQNqlZ47Ec https://youtu.be/UR4T0av0o40 https://youtu.be/HWQ2JELYB2k https://youtu.be/RaqQZQSjLGU https://youtu.be/c1fqRpwvoNo https://youtu.be/dB5RfILB-3Y https://youtu.be/QAQ1aoozzcE https://youtu.be/e32B-ObQEYU https://youtu.be/7DgLsY5ZG9Y https://youtu.be/u18J9DgkFFQ https://youtu.be/VsgD45IqTNk https://youtu.be/JVlmV8ciyRQ https://youtu.be/RLPteOcR5dg https://youtu.be/HNH7XaXqIZM https://youtu.be/17VozAlreqA https://youtu.be/YFtu5dhZADM https://youtu.be/awnsjtrkj6E https://youtu.be/tSbQQlFEC6g https://youtu.be/WuzV0RoB2E0 https://youtu.be/oRIZnzTR1Dk https://youtu.be/9OmgXxiKV7A https://youtu.be/CpAhDDN9FII

Venting….release of pain….😔

So today he messaged me. We have officially officially been broke up since Friday, February 12, 2021. Need to keep that in mind its very important. Today is February 16, 2021. So here we go. The day after Valentine's Day I'm shown that he is in a whole relationship with the girl he cheated on … Continue reading Venting….release of pain….😔


So me and B broke up and he moved out. I wish him all the best that life has to offer. But it's over. And it has been for a long time! https://youtu.be/CEW4ogbMMug https://youtu.be/G9HWnja_s4U https://youtu.be/48MzKNCtlQg https://youtu.be/rnPo2x_HIto https://youtu.be/o__txHRUd18 https://youtu.be/eOlxUgrGl2s https://youtu.be/Cst6Y8OtfSo https://youtu.be/Hm_RwHotLj0 https://youtu.be/NvhzRIkRwJY https://youtu.be/BiQIc7fG9pA https://youtu.be/VT1-sitWRtY https://youtu.be/J3UjJ4wKLkg https://youtu.be/jZf-Zft85Xs https://youtu.be/n3htOCjafTc https://youtu.be/U-InF9ieRRI https://youtu.be/m9fUYcxP1UA https://youtu.be/TLIgFxNY61E https://youtu.be/cGQl3bBpl_8 https://youtu.be/R9AbSCpbKxA https://youtu.be/fFPZuT3W21E https://youtu.be/jWQNqlZ47Ec https://youtu.be/cefVIm2I6BI

Birthday 🎂🥳🎉🎈🎁🎊

Happy Birthday to the father of my kids. Even though we don't speak nor see eye to eye n what has went on I still have enough respect to speak on his birthday. I hope it's a good one and you enjoy the day with our kids. I don't wish no harm to ever come … Continue reading Birthday 🎂🥳🎉🎈🎁🎊

When I’m Done….

When I'm done there isn't shit you can do to make me care. Sometimes things you cannot come back from. No matter how hard it hurt, sometimes holding on hurts so much worse. If their actions never change what are you holding on for?? If you hurt more than your happy, if you cry more … Continue reading When I’m Done….


People tend to move funny af. I don't like people that I cannot trust. Whats your motive? What are you trying to prove or get information on? I don't trust many in this world at all. People think that it's cute to hurt others, but when karma hits don't complain about it. Life sucks. Life … Continue reading People…..

Mom 😔😢😭

Mom where are you? I hate that you are gone. I miss you so much. I'm so lost and empty without you. I don't know how to handle this pain. This hurts so bad. I can't even focus on school. All I remember is holding you in my arms telling you how much I loved … Continue reading Mom 😔😢😭


This year has done nothing but show me a lot. So much pain has happened over these last 3 months as well as major changes. I lost my mom 3 months ago, and found out the one who I thought I would be with forever was sleeping with another girl, telling her he is love … Continue reading Changes….🙏💪

Feelings for a while now 💔


https://youtu.be/kqH3qOHB2FA https://youtu.be/48MzKNCtlQg https://youtu.be/_bptrMV3zHE https://youtu.be/APZwrsAvyXM https://youtu.be/jWQNqlZ47Ec https://youtu.be/nUEqPtVGIpE https://youtu.be/7Rget4nYjyU https://youtu.be/Bo5hepNudl0 https://youtu.be/Hp0I_t6b2nc https://youtu.be/EFpkGnztshw https://youtu.be/C2sxcaHRm1U https://youtu.be/fEvSFrqapoU https://youtu.be/eOlxUgrGl2s https://youtu.be/OcDAquSr1IE https://youtu.be/deMLg4FPFhQ https://youtu.be/fFPZuT3W21E https://youtu.be/RwDyKPmIoN4 https://youtu.be/YZLQ80L2f9c https://youtu.be/Cpq3TNjLOrM https://youtu.be/ahFTHcD4Njc https://youtu.be/yHmeOFjpte0 https://youtu.be/Ex1F4EXtX7k https://youtu.be/oSZyotYlrAA https://youtu.be/EFpkGnztshw https://youtu.be/meFxq3-mNEc https://youtu.be/xGfe2yhu0e0 https://youtu.be/mSLOMSsySXU https://youtu.be/H64QG4UsrGI https://youtu.be/DUqRbSXuF6A https://youtu.be/xNg7FM6uGjA

Happy New Year 🍾

I just wanted to tell everyone Happy New Year. My 2020 was a horrible one. Lost my mom and myself. But 2021, I'm not gonna stop! Lamia finally talked to me, it's a start! All I want is them back in my life. I brought in this year alone! I'm done dealing with unnecessary pain … Continue reading Happy New Year 🍾


I am so addicted to these songs ❤❤❤❤ https://youtu.be/Bo5hepNudl0 REPEAT! https://youtu.be/7Rget4nYjyU That's it 🤷‍♀️ lol sorry I just thought I would share!!!!!

Same ole s**t….

So today, I noticed life had gone back to the same way again. This time I don't have the same fight in me to go through it again. This year has been a year from hell!!!! Mom died in October; on Thanksgiving, I reached out to my daughter and told me to stop reaching out … Continue reading Same ole s**t….

Happy Thanksgiving 🦃

This year has been a tough one. Once again, this holiday, I don't get to see or talk to my kids, and now my mom is gone. Yeah, this is going to be a rough holiday for me. I'm not even cooking this year. All I can think about today is the day my mom … Continue reading Happy Thanksgiving 🦃

Domestic Violence….

https://youtu.be/YG8QRQLlCfg https://youtu.be/HaBedAXBEYY Domestic violence at it's finest. No more hitting, CHOKING, that part of my life is DONE!!!!! If you see yourself, get help immediately!!!! But be safe!! IT NEVER CHANGES NO MATTER HOW LONG THEY STOP DOING IT, IT ALWAYS STARTS AGAIN 😭🤦‍♀️💔🙏💪 I see myself in this, and no longer will I ever … Continue reading Domestic Violence….

I’m so tired….

I'm tired of people looking me right in my face and lying to me, not knowing that I know the truth. I'm tired of being used and being taken advantage of!! I'm tired of people talking behind my back but are too afraid to step to my face with any of it. My mom left … Continue reading I’m so tired….

What a shame….🤬

So I see first hand that my ex-husband has a new female around my kids. Still married but already has a new female around them. And his other ex informed me of it. I know you read it, and thank you!! Now, I need to talk to his wife or soon to be ex-wife and … Continue reading What a shame….🤬

No, I’m not ok!! 💔 Come back mom 😭😭😭😭

No I'm not ok, yet I still pretend that I am, No it's not the same and it never will be again. I lost my mother, my world, my everything to a hospital, being stuck on stupid, and not knowing how to do their jobs. I now sit here, and I do not know what … Continue reading No, I’m not ok!! 💔 Come back mom 😭😭😭😭

Just imagine….

Imagine being in my shoes for one second. I got a baby dad/ ex-husband who refuses to let me see my kids for almost ten years. I got the other baby dad who is in prison again for nearly killing the last girl he had a baby with, and sadly, she is dead, but he … Continue reading Just imagine….


I'm crushed into a million pieces. My mom is gone 😭💔 , and now I'm lost. So much doesn't make sense. I'm so beyond heartbreak and idk if I'll ever be ok again. It still feels so unreal. How am I supposed to get used to the fact that I'll never see or be able … Continue reading Thoughts…..🥺💔🙏💪😇🕊🎈😭

RIP Mom….😭🕊😇💔🙏💪❤

https://www.schmidthaller.com/m/obituaries/Leann-White/Memories I can not believe you are gone. I will never forget you and I will forever miss you. No more pain baby but I'm so empty and lost without you it just doesn't make any sense 😭😭😭😭 Fly high beautiful and please continue to watch over me, Lamia, Kaden, Skyla and the rest of … Continue reading RIP Mom….😭🕊😇💔🙏💪❤

RIP Mom 😭💔😇🕊🙏💪❤

Today at 2 pm, I lost my world, my mother, my heart, my best friend. At least you have no more pain. I cannot believe you are gone. It's been 8 hours, and I have to face reality. I'll never see your beautiful face again. I'll never hear your voice again. I'll never get to … Continue reading RIP Mom 😭💔😇🕊🙏💪❤


So my mom is on life support at the hospital right now and I'm just putting this up to beg everyone to please pray for her. 🙏🙏🙏🙏

Just in case…..

If something happens to me, I want you kids to know that you are everything to me. You kids have been taken away from the one person who would do anything in this world for you. Yes, I'm crying as I'm typing this. No, I'm not ok at all. I know you kids have your … Continue reading Just in case…..

This year…

This year has been full of so many ups and downs. First, I want to tell my babies about my wins so far this year...I started SNHU, and I'm int 5th semester, and I have been chosen to be part of a fraternity for The National Society for Leadership and Success; I have been chosen … Continue reading This year…

Have to make a new page….

This place is no longer a safe place for me to write. I no longer can explain how I feel. So I am going to be making a new page....this time, I'm keeping it to myself until I think it will be safe and done to broadcast to the world. Healing is going to take … Continue reading Have to make a new page….

Happy Birthday Skyla Marie 🎂🥳🎉🎊🎈🦋🧸👣🙏💪💞

Today, my sweet, beautiful Skyla Marie was born ten years ago. Happy 10th birthday 🎉 my sweet baby girl. I've never even got to have you home, but the day I had you, I once again became the luckiest woman in the world. God has blessed me with your beautiful sister Lamia Nichole, your handsome … Continue reading Happy Birthday Skyla Marie 🎂🥳🎉🎊🎈🦋🧸👣🙏💪💞


Time waits for nobody, and we are living in our last days, you know where you stand in people's life in this day and age. You give your all only to be let down time and time again. You have to ask for their time. And when you do get it, its like you still … Continue reading Time….

Say something 🙏💪💔

Say something I'm giving up on you. I cannot get them words out of my head. I woke up in my feelings so bad. I cannot shake this feeling something is wrong with one of my kids. I'm just super depressed today. I've realized a lot lately but actions and I have to say I'm … Continue reading Say something 🙏💪💔

One day….

One day my heart won't be so heavy and tears won't run down my face. One day everything will be alright and I can face the morning with smiles and grace. My heart is so heavy this morning. Yesterday was an eye opener for me. Yesterday my heart was officially broken. One day I'm gonna … Continue reading One day….

The uncertainty of life….

Let's just start this with me saying my mind is EVERYWHERE!! So I'll apologize in advance but I have to get this out. I'm so lost right now mentally I am literally just waiting for better days. Life has sure been kicking my ass super hard these last few weeks I just don't know what … Continue reading The uncertainty of life….


A poem is a poem....yet it comes straight from the heart....nothing is this world is right.....everything is falling apart. As I lay here my words are silent......as is all of my pain.....my depression is back once again.....I feel so empty, alone, and drained. My words and actions are taken for granted.....and yet I hold my … Continue reading Thunder…..⛈🌫⚡☄🌊💔🙏💪

💔 beyond devastated 😭🙏💪

Its probably better if I don't write BC tomorrow also is the day 10 years ago I had to watch my babies leave my side and go with him. Now here today we find out this. I love you so much Lamia, Kaden, and Skyla. This is going to be another huge blow and I'm … Continue reading 💔 beyond devastated 😭🙏💪



Rain rain go away….🥺😢😭🗣💔

Today is so gloomy out and its just depressing as hell. So much is going on within our family I'm begging everyone to say a lot of prayers. My mom got tested for Corona virus today and let me say I pray I never have to have that test done on me. Mom is not … Continue reading Rain rain go away….🥺😢😭🗣💔

Welcome to my life……🥺

ENTER MY MIND AND FEELINGS 💯🙏💪😭🗣👣🧸🦋❤🤗😘🥰👣🧸🦋👣🧸🦋👣🧸🦋💪💪💪🙏🙏🙏 https://youtu.be/VsgD45IqTNk https://youtu.be/PEGccV-NOm8 https://youtu.be/7qqWRyKIKyU https://youtu.be/nqK2cD1SbOg https://youtu.be/mSLOMSsySXU https://youtu.be/eOlxUgrGl2s https://youtu.be/APZwrsAvyXM https://youtu.be/nqK2cD1SbOg https://youtu.be/aE4UNGlu-Ak https://youtu.be/h2U723ets3o https://youtu.be/OOaavoot2-o https://youtu.be/aE4UNGlu-Ak https://youtu.be/d28M6QeCZrk https://youtu.be/3Mza-CTTo_E https://youtu.be/WPw1JwBH1w4 https://youtu.be/BiQIc7fG9pA https://youtu.be/4BijeKQ1MxA https://youtu.be/fonNFAYY1xc https://youtu.be/CpAhDDN9FII https://youtu.be/1ebfaT0Z7Uw https://youtu.be/h15bSf-Zoyo https://youtu.be/l23gN1VPRUs https://youtu.be/wc7kJb2PPko https://youtu.be/7US1hLqsdmY https://youtu.be/uIJbU3hNTL8 https://youtu.be/Mi9aOxZP7w8 https://youtu.be/hqDinxaPUK4 https://youtu.be/As8wEjmi1_Y https://youtu.be/hUUwik_R6LU https://youtu.be/Wbm-GzCnC-g https://youtu.be/lV_2XtD1NHI https://youtu.be/3Q3VjOLXYHk https://youtu.be/53X4YVaBE-I https://youtu.be/kcRWyLMVrFM https://youtu.be/VkycpLa4VU8 https://youtu.be/3mSW2KzJWIU https://youtu.be/fFPZuT3W21E https://youtu.be/hUUwik_R6LU https://youtu.be/APZwrsAvyXM https://youtu.be/ahFTHcD4Njc https://youtu.be/VMGhosGLIyE https://youtu.be/XyA9xYRwq2k https://youtu.be/Hm_RwHotLj0 https://youtu.be/7LWQEokkCqo https://youtu.be/VhX7-Io79oU https://youtu.be/6kiwFuM9SCM https://youtu.be/u18J9DgkFFQ https://youtu.be/upvSI8fxK1s https://youtu.be/8SPDSRVsJ4MContinue reading Welcome to my life……🥺

Happy Fathers Day ❤

I would like to take the time to wish all of the fathers out here a very Happy Fathers Day!! Especially the alienated parents!! I hope you all enjoy your day!! And to the bitter fathers, get your life together and let you baby mother be in THE CHILDREN'S LIFE!!!! To these types of dads, … Continue reading Happy Fathers Day ❤


I want to take the time to wish my only son Kaden James a very Happy 14th birthday. Mommy would do anything to be with you on this day. I hope your day is amazing. 😍 The day I had you I found out what is is like to not only love Lamia, but I … Continue reading HAPPY BIRTHDAY KADEN 🎂


So we went to the surgeon yesterday over my mom. Cancer has for sure spread to her lymph nodes, possibly her hip, we will find out next week when she has a pet scan. 💔💔 18 weeks of chemotherapy, 6 doses all together, then total mastectomy of one breast, then 6 weeks of radiation 5 … Continue reading Update….💔🙏💪


So life is totally kicking my ass right now and I'm doing all I can to remain strong but this is not an easy road to have to be on ALONE!! Kaden, in one week you are going to be 14 and I don't even know anything about you. Don't know your voice. I've missed … Continue reading Life…..🙏




So yesterday my mom had her mammogram finally and she has been confirmed with Breast Cancer 😭😭 We know she has mass as big as a baseball (5mm), a tumor growing on that, and it has metasticized into her lymph nodes so most likely she is at a stage 3 or stage 4 level 😭😭 … Continue reading 🗣🗣🗣🗣 NEED PRAYERS BADLY


I just got to see my baby boy graduate 8th grade on Facebook😍 Omg Kaden I am so proud of you!!!! Now you will begin your journey in High School and I couldn't be more proud!! Seeing that on Lamia's birthday just made my whole day. I am one blessed mother!! ❤ He may keep … Continue reading CONGRADULATIONS KADEN JAMES 👣🦋🧸🥰👨‍🎓


Happy Birthday to my beautiful Lamia Nichole 🎂. You are 16 today, and I could not be more proud of the young women you are becoming. You were born at 11:11 pm and that is when life made sense to me. When I first held you in my arms, I never understood what love meant … Continue reading HAPPY BIRTHDAY LAMIA 🦋👣🧸


Man today has totally sucked. God called home one of the most beautiful spirits I have ever came across. I've known her since I was in high school. She suffered with Lupus and today she no longer has to suffer because she is with God. I'm in total shock and disbelief. And then 4 hours … Continue reading RIP SHANICKA 😭🙏💔

Be the light 🗣🙏💪

We live in such a dark world, so be the light. Be the reason someone smiles. Be someone worth remembering. My professor told me that with such a dark life I've been dealt, I am the light of this classroom. I am not perfect by any means but I do always try to do my … Continue reading Be the light 🗣🙏💪

Just listen….🦋🧸👣🙏💪❤

https://youtu.be/_Gcrx2Ab0FM KEEP HOLDING ON!!!! MY DAILY STRENGTH AND REMINDER!!!! I LOVE AND MISS YOU SO MUCH LAMIA NICHOLE 🦋🧸👣🙏💪, KADEN JAMES 🦋🧸👣🙏💪, and SKYLA MARIE 🦋🧸👣🙏💪 I MISS YOU SO MUCH. ❤ https://youtu.be/hH63dkeSWR8 https://youtu.be/0G3_kG5FFfQ https://youtu.be/XDMxXjkr0SI I MISS YOU KIDS SO MUCH. 😔😭🙏💪


My depression is kicking my ass today. Lamia is gonna be 16 on the 27th and this is getting so much harder for me day by day. I literally just want to cry. There has been so much going on, I literally was late on my school this week. And that is not OK. I … Continue reading Drained….💔😔🥱

Another day, another headache…..😒😣🥺🙏

Life has seemed to be getting better lately. I have to make this clear again so really absorb what i am going to say.....I BLOG FOR MY KIDS AND FOR PEOPLE NOT TO GO THROUGH WHAT I HAVE. I don't get on here and flirt, I don't get on here and bad mouth anyone, I … Continue reading Another day, another headache…..😒😣🥺🙏


I swear people make me so sick. I'm gonna have to go back to isolating myself BC I cannot and will not deal with any ignorance. I'm too old for it and have too much going for myself to get tied up in anybody elses bs. I refuse to let myself back track or end … Continue reading 😒🤷


I went through pictures today and I'm hoping one day my kids read this blog and see the happiness and remember the times with me. I love you so much Lamia, Kaden, and Skyla to the moon and back. I miss you so much babies but YOU are my motivation to keep going forward. 😘😘😘🥰🥰🥰👣👣👣🧸🧸🧸🦋🦋🦋💕💕💕

New Kitty….

So today I got the CUTEST little kitten ever. Welcome Sparkle Stripes to the family. My brother's girlfriend came n got me bc her neighbor found 3 baby kittens in a crawl space left to die. Well...Mr. Man has been gone for a year now and Angel is getting lonely so of course I had … Continue reading New Kitty….


Oh babies how I miss you so much. But today, I'm just so thankful your healthy and safe and happy. That just gave me life. 😍 I love you soooooo much Lamia Nichole, Kaden James, and Skyla Marie. One day soon I am going to get the pictures out and watch my Lamia and Kaden … Continue reading 🥰🤗😘😍👣👣👣

Saturday Music List….

Enter my mind and get lost with me.... https://youtu.be/-2U0Ivkn2Ds https://youtu.be/BiQIc7fG9pA https://youtu.be/YVdRJdSZJ8w https://youtu.be/CpAhDDN9FII https://youtu.be/9OmgXxiKV7A https://youtu.be/cefVIm2I6BI https://youtu.be/VT1-sitWRtY 👣👣👣 https://youtu.be/7LWQEokkCqo 💥💥 https://youtu.be/eOlxUgrGl2s 💯💯🧸🎶🎤 https://youtu.be/6C_wxlp_QS0 🎤💔🔪 BIG FACTS 💯 https://youtu.be/OOaavoot2-o 💯🎤💔🥺 https://youtu.be/lV_2XtD1NHI 💯😒🎶 https://youtu.be/f0bbDFRYD_A 🔪💔😭💔 https://youtu.be/d28M6QeCZrk 💯💯🗣 https://youtu.be/fFPZuT3W21E 💯🗣💃💃💃💃💃💃 https://youtu.be/VMGhosGLIyE BIG ASS FACTS 💯🗣🎤🔪💔💥🎶🖕 https://youtu.be/kcRWyLMVrFM 🗣🎤💃💃🎶 https://youtu.be/4BijeKQ1MxA 😍😍🎶🎶💃💃💃💃 https://youtu.be/VkycpLa4VU8 CURRENT SITUATION💔🔪🔪🗣💯💯🗣💯 https://youtu.be/VsgD45IqTNk 🙏🙏🙏💯💯💯🗣🗣🗣🔪🔪🔪💔💔💔💔 https://youtu.be/8SPDSRVsJ4M 🗣🗣🗣🔪🔪🔪💯💯💯 IM SO GLAD I … Continue reading Saturday Music List….


Today, I have woken up so thankful. It's the little things in life that counts. My life is a hot mess w me not having my kids but I have to actually realize how far I am coming as not only their mother but for myself. I love the person I am becoming, others not … Continue reading Blessed….🙏

🗣💯🗣💃Welcome to my music Friday….💃💃🗣🗣

https://youtu.be/nqK2cD1SbOg https://youtu.be/cefVIm2I6BI https://youtu.be/lEBxLduH1o8 https://youtu.be/ahFTHcD4Njc https://youtu.be/APZwrsAvyXM https://youtu.be/xNg7FM6uGjA https://youtu.be/BZjOAxr5lgI https://youtu.be/w5srnNrICJo https://youtu.be/i77DbKgmHTI https://youtu.be/DyGNfbKkMVE https://youtu.be/R1B0o862HqI https://youtu.be/-V2PxXsctV0 https://youtu.be/Mi9aOxZP7w8 https://youtu.be/lkaB46ZP3do https://youtu.be/I6K04prkaJM https://youtu.be/_04DX5zOydI https://youtu.be/xnnGn_6P86A https://youtu.be/aE4UNGlu-Ak https://youtu.be/QWZpbrU1h9A https://youtu.be/VtyKtEC2W20 https://youtu.be/y0wtNeRZG8U https://youtu.be/d28M6QeCZrk https://youtu.be/hqDinxaPUK4 https://youtu.be/iOpJywrdCuQ https://youtu.be/ASEm1TJZduo https://youtu.be/gztnxq2lUo8 https://youtu.be/Sc5DZPdlTzE https://youtu.be/QVU1vUNT2QY https://youtu.be/kNXSLH_vVHw https://youtu.be/PguTqnYhPPo https://youtu.be/4BijeKQ1MxA https://youtu.be/CVYw2Eyphic https://youtu.be/4irqi5QdUAY https://youtu.be/SnDtOgw9PoA https://youtu.be/VsgD45IqTNk https://youtu.be/6kiwFuM9SCM https://youtu.be/E1PZbxnFSwk https://youtu.be/8SPDSRVsJ4M https://youtu.be/3Hn9hLOljJI https://youtu.be/cGQl3bBpl_8 https://youtu.be/xLMx-Hi5mF4 https://youtu.be/uo47ISmNhLM https://youtu.be/dVSiv8-ugu0 https://youtu.be/hmbazDLlrfg https://youtu.be/v9OLZFC0cEw https://youtu.be/lnu-MNE2aY8 https://youtu.be/wN0xK6bgQkQ https://youtu.be/lnu-MNE2aY8 https://youtu.be/hUUwik_R6LU https://youtu.be/OtxizulNJzk https://youtu.be/aLZ5mUkrU9I https://youtu.be/wJsFGBB5-7c https://youtu.be/t3sYRKGuZhM https://youtu.be/zm3wsHstlAc https://youtu.be/R7dDzeVNjRYContinue reading 🗣💯🗣💃Welcome to my music Friday….💃💃🗣🗣




First I have to say RIP to my sisters cousin Kirk 🙏💪🥺🕊 I'm so sorry for your loss. I love you. 🙏💪😘🤗 What does life mean to you? Are you living how you are supposed to be? Are you safe and healthy? Are you strong and willing to overcome everything? If so.....welcome to my life. … Continue reading Life….

Happy Easter 🤗

Happy Easter Lamia, Kaden, and Skyla. Today your mom also is 35!! It's been a peaceful day, just pretty much relaxing but I have a nasty little headache. I love you so much Lamia, Kaden, and Skyla and I pray your holiday is amazing. I miss you babies, my heart is just heavy and one … Continue reading Happy Easter 🤗


Why is it when I'm going through anything hard do you feel the need to run so I have to face all of this shit alone? I've felt abandoned my whole life and sadly, I'm about to be 35 next Sunday on Easter and I have never felt love unless my children where by my … Continue reading Why?


Look I'm gonna break something down and this is a sad truth that I am going to be writing. My Uncle Wendell, who passed away last night, I literally have not talked to in atleast 10 years. I've literally been around him maybe a handful of times in my life. But at the end of … Continue reading 🥺🕊💔🙏💪⚰

RIP Uncle Wendell….

So I woke up this morning to find out one of my dads brothers, my Uncle Wendell passed away last night 💔 I'm so messed up right now. I need my babies right now omg 💔💔💔💔 I swear when it comes to death I'm weak over it. He battled for many years a heroin addiction. … Continue reading RIP Uncle Wendell….


So, I have been informed that I have nothing to worry about, that people are being 💯 finally, but then you literally SEE 👀 different. Look at the end of the day, my life may be fucked up but I refuse for anyone else to think they are going to hurt me. If you dont … Continue reading Changes?

Self-reflection 💪🙏

Have you guys been having time where you have no idea but to sit and really think about life and come to realizations about yourself and the situations that you are allowing? You may not even realize what has been going on. But sometimes, if you really take the time to pay attention to someone … Continue reading Self-reflection 💪🙏

Who am I? 🥺💔👣👣👣💪🙏

That is the question of the day. A student in Psychology, and Lamia, Kaden, and Skyla's mother. I know in broken in 20 million in pieces. Right now I feel empty and like I dont even exist. It's like I just dont matter at all. And I feel this way more often then I should. … Continue reading Who am I? 🥺💔👣👣👣💪🙏



Coronavirus 😷 Illinois Lockdown 🙏

I am absolutely terrified of this flu that is killing everyone. I'm literally so freaked out and my anxiety is through the roof. And a thought came into my mind.....people in other countries face so much more than this daily. Some have no food. No shelter. No parents because they have been killed or because … Continue reading Coronavirus 😷 Illinois Lockdown 🙏


My beautiful babies I am going insane without you!! And now that this Coronavirus has hit, I'm even more terrified that I will never get the chance to be with you. I'm not ok, not at all. But if this world would end tomorrow just know that you kids are never more loved, adored, cherished, … Continue reading 🗣👣🗣👣🗣👣

More tea 😁😇😉💔🙄😒🙏😭

https://youtu.be/R1B0o862HqI As soon as my car is fixed....I'm getting all of the answers I need. I'm tired of sitting here not getting any answers. So now I'm going to go to them. And when I have to go that far just for SOMEONE to tell me the TRUTH when I have gave more than enough … Continue reading More tea 😁😇😉💔🙄😒🙏😭


I'm so sick of the level of disrespect that comes my way. And the thing is, I deserve not one ounce of the shit. This is not a life that I am happy to settle with. This is not happiness in any form at all. I'm just struggling to get through to the next day, … Continue reading Disrepectfulness…..🗣🙄

TRUTH 👀👂🥺🗣🗣🗣🗣

https://youtu.be/b30OW_5l_IQ https://youtu.be/U_5OCqH0mCE https://youtu.be/APZwrsAvyXM https://youtu.be/Hm_RwHotLj0 https://youtu.be/eOlxUgrGl2s https://youtu.be/cefVIm2I6BI https://youtu.be/ahFTHcD4Njc https://youtu.be/CpAhDDN9FII https://youtu.be/dWh0WfRguPc https://youtu.be/R1B0o862HqI


This is sick that I have to even have to worry about this. People are dying so fast. I am terrified. What if this flu makes me never be able to see my kids again? I'm going crazy right now. I cannot focus. All I can think about is these babies of mine. Where are … Continue reading Coronavirus….🥺🥺

Oh babies 😩💔

God I miss you three so much. It's been 3, 177 days since their dad has let me see them. I feel like I'm dying inside. I cannot begin to even speak the pain. But I'm staying strong babies. I will never give up on you. Your mom is just working, going to school, and … Continue reading Oh babies 😩💔


So it's been a few days since I've blogged....and mentally it has been so rough. Too much is going on. But the one thing this week I have been working on is self realizations. Believe me it's not easy being in my shoes. On truly any level. I have allowed so much damage and never … Continue reading Realizations….

How I’m Really Feeling….

https://youtu.be/APZwrsAvyXM https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=RDdWh0WfRguPc https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=RDCpAhDDN9FII I miss you so much babies 🥺🥺🥺 I'm never in my life going to give up on you ❤❤❤🙏🙏🙏💪💪💪 I love you so much Lamia, Kaden, and Skyla!!!! #mysoulhurts #itsgottochange

Truth time….🗣👣💪🙏📚🤷‍♀️

So as I am sitting here today, I'm really hard on myself. I have finally realized how messed up my life has been. And I'm self reflecting on so much. Believe me when I say it's not easy to face my past. But of all the pain I have been put through, not seeing my … Continue reading Truth time….🗣👣💪🙏📚🤷‍♀️


I'M NOT OK AT ALL!!!! MY DAUGHTER HAD SURGERY AND I WASNT EVEN TOLD!!!! What if something would have happened to her God forbid???? See he needs to get off his bitch shit and let me be A MOTHER TO MY CHILDREN!!!! I'm sitting here a nervous wreck and seriously fucked up. My baby had … Continue reading 😭😭


So it's been a few days since I have blogged and let me be the first to say I'm doing my hardest to hold on but idk how much longer I can do this. My heart is absolutely broken. This morning already made it so much worse. I'm finally doing something I'm so passionate about … Continue reading Newest….

Huge mistakes…..💔💣🕳💥

So today, like the last few days I havent felt very good. So now just today I find out that my daughter had surgery for a broken foot n ligament....beyond heated I wasnt told about it either!!!! Then I get a letter in the mail from the IRS, because it seems someone was stupid enough … Continue reading Huge mistakes…..💔💣🕳💥


So I'm gonna be running a few little experiments on my own....keeping track of some things, coming to alot of realizations, and beginning to fix this mess I allowed to be created. Too much is happening, and I have not the time of day for any of it. Too many things are beginning to make … Continue reading Testing….testing….


So there was a gun scare at my child's school today and here I am having to blog about it and hope that someone will reach out to me so I know that my son is ok!! This type of shit right here is what is pissing me off!!!! There is too much bullshit going … Continue reading Seriously??


Omg I was shown a video of you wrestling and my God son you are doing an amazing job!!!! I'm right here supporting you too....even though you cant see me. My heart dropped when I seen it because I instantly wanted to protect you!!!! But you won, and you are such a strong little guy!!!! … Continue reading 🗣KADEN JAMES 👣😍🤗😘🦋


So today has been a very productive and amazing day!!!! My school is becoming more intense but I'm doing this and I'm so proud of myself!!!! Today I am confident. I AM SOMEONE!!!! And Brandon came home from work and had this big beautiful red rose for me. Definitely was not expecting that!!!! But it … Continue reading Flowers….


So now there is a new virus going around that is killing people 😩😩 just what my ass did not need to read. Now it's in my head....what if one of my kids end up with this shit??!! The saddest thing is I NEVER get informed on anything when it comes to my kids, I … Continue reading 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️😩


Its snowing and it looks so beautiful and pure outside. I'm done with work, and I've got my school done for the week!!!! So now I'm just sitting here thinking about life. Thinking about my Lamia, Kaden, and Skyla. I miss you kids so much. I never knew love until I had you. I never … Continue reading Snow….

😭😭😭 I miss you so much 👣👣👣💔💔💔

This is how long it has been since I have seen my kids. 😭😭😭😭 I'll never stop fighting babies I promise. I'm coming so soon....I'm doing everything in my power to get back to you!!!! In the meantime, please hold on for me. Please!!!! I've never stopped loving you and I never will. I'll never … Continue reading 😭😭😭 I miss you so much 👣👣👣💔💔💔

Lamia, Kaden, and Skyla….

My new song to you!!!! I mean every word. I love and miss you so much but please keep holding on Watch "Keep Holding On - Avril Lavigne (lyrics)" on YouTubehttps://youtu.be/_Gcrx2Ab0FM


Today in really hurting over my kids 😭😭😭 I just want to hold them in my arms and never let go. My college classes are keeping me distracted but man this hurts so bad and its getting worse inside daily. Then add all the other stuff 💔💔💔💔 I'm doing my best to keep holding on. … Continue reading 😩🙏💪


So over the course of me finding out bullshit, I learned who actually was the whistleblower!!!! I'm gonna be honest this shit has crushed me in a way that I hate to admit it has. But it is life. This is just another lesson learned. I'm not even going to confront her because these hoes … Continue reading Tests…..


How could you have did me like this? You won.....I'm taking this loss. Now I have to begin to prepare to fix my heart that is crushed into a million pieces again. I'm so at a loss for words right now I cant even begin to explain my pain.....first dealing with issues over my kids, … Continue reading How??


BETRAYL HURTS!!!! It’s all I can do to keep my mouth shut I swear. I’m so sick of the things that I have allowed for WAY TOO LONG!!!! I’m ready for change.....I cannot and will not ever tolerate any of the things that I have allowed. I am literally sitting here looking like the biggest … Continue reading STRENGTH…..WEAKNESS….

Seen this on Facebook….🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

From a Brother…. International tensions are high right now. Iran has called on its sleeper cells around the world to hold retaliatory attacks against the US. That means that although you may have no intention of being involved, someone else may make that choice for you. Things to remember at times like these: -Keep your … Continue reading Seen this on Facebook….🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️


You came into my life in the dead of the night, you made me think love was real not just a fight. But YOU have shown me different. You have shown me so much hate. You have shown me so much sadness. You have treated me like I am not even a person. Yet I … Continue reading YOU….


How are you supposed to be able to trust someone who doesnt even trust themselves?? So much has happened and so much has came to light and I'm shocked tbh. I'm hurt. But in 2020 I vowed not to let anyone break me and I'm standing behind that. But that doesnt mean its gonna hurt … Continue reading How….

Goodbye 2019….hello 2020

Lamia, Kaden and Skyla, my wish my you kids is that you have an amazing, prosperous year!!!! No pain, just happiness. Healthy, no broken bones, any form of sickness!!!! I pray you kids are doing amazing. This year has changed me in many ways, but I have learned so much about myself. I'm strong babies, … Continue reading Goodbye 2019….hello 2020

RIP OD….🕊🕊

2 years ago today was so life changing for me, Brandon's dad OD was murdered. Shit has me still so shaken up it just makes no sense to me. And then I have to walk everyday without my babies, it makes no sense. But the day I found out OD died, my world changed even … Continue reading RIP OD….🕊🕊

Merry Christmas

I pray you all have an amazing day with your families, the ones who doesnt get to see their kids bc of Parental Alienation, stay strong and believe me I'm telling myself the same thing. I had one of the worst Christmas eve ever in my life, my heart literally got broken, and my "boyfriends" … Continue reading Merry Christmas


I hope you all have a Merry Christmas and I hope that none of you deal with any drama (like I am) and you actually get to enjoy your families (unlike me) I swear this day is a test for me and I'm not sure I'm going to pass it at all. I'm sick of … Continue reading To EVERYONE….

Just dont know anymore

It seems like ever since I have graduated everything has just went downhill. I'm in my orientation for my psychology classes and I cant even think straight. I'm not worth very much in life, but I'm trying. People just dont amuse me at all anymore. I'm too old to deal with any negativity and the … Continue reading Just dont know anymore


YeahDon't let this world and all these fake people upset youKeep yo head high you should know that you specialHad to leave em all behind so I could find myselfBut they say If they really love you then they'll never forget youThey say all the people with gifts are born with a curseEverything I try … Continue reading Untitled…..


From what I'm learning is I'm nothing but a problem in anyone's life. Seems to be a common thread lately. Which is pure fucking bullshit, people just dont like the fact that I am holding them accountable for their shit they have done to me, because I used to keep my mouth shut because the … Continue reading 😩😩😭😭🤬🤬

Update on me….

So this has been one hard week. I was in the er yesterday because I was about septic over an infection inside of my body. It ended up being a tooth abscess but it now has entered into my small intestines so yea I'm not doing the best. There is soooooo much going on and … Continue reading Update on me….

RIP Kristen….

So I really sont know her but I have to speak on this because it is so heartbreaking 😩😭🙏 So Skylas dad ended up starting to date Kristen and they had a beautiful little girl, whom isnt even a year old, but Kristen lost her life to her battle with heroin addiction. I was just … Continue reading RIP Kristen….

Finally did it 🎉🎉🎉🎉

I now have officially got my degree and I'm waiting to hear back when I get to start my psychology classes. I'm so excited. And then one of my sisters, and 2 of my nieces came over here with a strawberry cheesecake and had candles with CONGRATS and I blew it out. 🥰🥰🥰🥰 I feel … Continue reading Finally did it 🎉🎉🎉🎉

Happy Thanksgiving

So I'm going to do my best to not cry as I'm writing this post and I'm already fighting it. Happy Thanksgiving Lamia Nichole, Kaden James, and Skyla Marie. To all who read this as well. I am thankful for 3 things in my life and that would be Lamia, Kaden, and Skyla. I'm thankful … Continue reading Happy Thanksgiving

Deep thoughts…

Say you seen to many things that turned out too good to be true.....guess you found the joke was on you....about the only way I know how to come is right straight from my heart....Laying here listening to music and this Brain McKnight "The Only One For Me" man this shit has me in my … Continue reading Deep thoughts…


Today has been an emotion roller coaster for me. My mind and heart cannot take anymore. I'm so lost. I dont know what to do. I know my depression hasn't ever been this bad. I cant focus. I just feel like the biggest failure. No matter how good of intentions I have, I still manage … Continue reading Life…💔💔💔😭😭😭🦋🙏💪

I’m a prisoner in my own mind….

I feel like these walls talking to me, I'm a prisoner in my own mind. Does that make sense? My mind does have me in a prison. The things people do, and the Lack of things people do, makes me a prisoner. My mind is all over the place right now. Life is kicking my … Continue reading I’m a prisoner in my own mind….

Thanksgiving in a week 😩

I'm looking forward to the holiday bc this will be the first one with my sister, niece and her kids. But I HATE the holidays now. I'm going to have another one without my babies. I can say this, I'm one step closer almost to what needs to be done. I'm 94% done with my … Continue reading Thanksgiving in a week 😩


I want to reach out to them so bad again but I dont know if it will get them in trouble with hitler!!!! Yep that's that's what I'll call that situation!!!! Too much pain is happening for no reason what so ever. I've lost 8 years with the loves of my life. I'm lost. I … Continue reading Babies…..👣👣👣


Things will never change and that is one thing that is really hard for me to accept. I've done everything in my power for this but what is the purpose if I'm the only one fixing things. I'm tired. My heart hurts so bad bc the saddest thing is I'm being lied to right to … Continue reading Things….


So I woke up with one of the worst headaches I've ever experienced. And yet here I am blogging because life sucks. Ear ache still, migraine, it just sucks. But I'll be ok. Now after last night I have so much to think about. Trust is thrown out of the window. I'm a bitch. Im … Continue reading Migranes…


I need to blog so someone will listen. I think sleep is going to be the best thing for me. I've got no where except my feelings more hurt than ever. To be told they just plain dont care is beyond gut wrenching. Right now I feel like the walls are caving in. You guys … Continue reading 😩🙊🙉🙈🐍🤬🖕

I wish….

I wish for a little while I could just escape my mind. I wish i was actually seen and treated right always. I wish I could just sit in front of the ocean with my feet in the sand and just release all of my pain. I wish for one minute that we was a … Continue reading I wish….


So I'm excited to say that I'm almost done with my classes so I will have a diploma soon and it's long overdue and then I'm on for psychology!!!! Things finally seem to be going in the right direction and I'm not let nothing or no one stop me from here on out. I have … Continue reading Updates….

Happy Halloween 🎃

Lamia, Kaden, and Skyla I pray you three have an amazing holiday. One day I can only hope and pray that I'll get to spend every remaining holiday together in our lives together. I'm not a fan of Halloween at all but I wish I could see you kids all dressed up enjoying yourselves making … Continue reading Happy Halloween 🎃

Sad days, heartbreaking dreams….all crushed 😭😭

I am not ok at all today. I literally cannot stop crying. I woke up n I swear my dream was so real I honestly thought my kids was here with me. 😭😭😭😭 I'm having a really bad day already, more empty feeling than normal and I am not ok. I try so hard to … Continue reading Sad days, heartbreaking dreams….all crushed 😭😭

Sad realizations….

So lately I've been in my feelings so much. People know that. But do you think that has stopped any of them from making their snide rude ass comments and jabs to me??!! Hell no!!!! And today people have lost their ever loving mind I SWEAR TO GOD!!!! Everyone that knows me knows that none … Continue reading Sad realizations….

Peaceful feeling

I dont do chain mail but I figured everyone needed this prayer 🙏🙏💪💪 God bless you all. I love and miss you so much Lamia, Kaden, and Skyla👣👣👣💪💪💪❤❤❤🙏🙏🙏🤗🤗🤗🥰🥰